今天听到一些关于自己的事情，而且是在自己不知情下的事。
我好生气！好莫名其妙！
心中的愤怒一直在燃烧。。。
我不再相信任何人，不在说任何话。
2010/01/26
2010/01/20
2010/01/19
2010/01/18
sien, uni starts tomorrow...
Schools are gonna reopen tomorrow and that's mean dead time is coming closer.
My mind and heart still a mess, still in holiday mood.
3 weeks is never enough for people like me! I have not accomplish anything which i've planned before the holiday...
I still wanna watch the drama which i just got from my friend.(whole series).
I need MORE, MORE, AND MORE HOLIDAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have not go through my registered subject in detailed. I just suibian register for the sake of 'i dun wanna be the last one to register'.
Gosh... the subjects and the timetable. I'm still considering which subject i wanna take.4,5,or 6?arrr!!!!
I know it's gonna be a very very tough sem for me. So...stay alert!
Lazy is the main factor I slack last sem/previous sems, emm or i should say i never been hardworking or become a guai lui before, this should leave to the kiasuism. wahaha.
Well but sometimes we need to be kiasu, but i just cannot make it. Don't ask me why! U should know the answer.
Hmm...hopefully it wont be that serious this coming semester~ gambateh to everyone .*sour smile*
My mind and heart still a mess, still in holiday mood.
3 weeks is never enough for people like me! I have not accomplish anything which i've planned before the holiday...
I still wanna watch the drama which i just got from my friend.(whole series).
I need MORE, MORE, AND MORE HOLIDAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have not go through my registered subject in detailed. I just suibian register for the sake of 'i dun wanna be the last one to register'.
Gosh... the subjects and the timetable. I'm still considering which subject i wanna take.4,5,or 6?arrr!!!!
I know it's gonna be a very very tough sem for me. So...stay alert!
Lazy is the main factor I slack last sem/previous sems, emm or i should say i never been hardworking or become a guai lui before, this should leave to the kiasuism. wahaha.
Well but sometimes we need to be kiasu, but i just cannot make it. Don't ask me why! U should know the answer.
Hmm...hopefully it wont be that serious this coming semester~ gambateh to everyone .*sour smile*
2010/01/17
Weird dream
Just came back from my friend's wedding dinner in KL.
It was an awesome wedding. Hmm....atleast i was temporary reprieve from sadness? yea i did.
Well i had a very weird dream this afternoon when i was having a nap in my friend's room.
guess what?? i dreamed of S's funeral. Everyone was in grieve(of course la). The whole funeral procession is still fresh in my mind.
I'm not sure how come i had this kind of dream.
In fact i did not attend to the funeral. I know i should go, but my mum not allowed me to go as the fortune teller asked me not to go to any 'bai shi' means funeral this year. Otherwise i might have trouble also.
Some of you might think that we shouldn't being so supersticious right? but i believed it.
We experienced it before.(my mum is the best example for breaking the rules).
On the day(Saturday), I woke up early. I struggled and hesistated alot.
I wanted to go but i had to listen to my mum. In the end....i decided to break the rules.
When i reached outside of the funeral parlour, i couldn't control myself. You should know why...
After going through my best friends death ,my dog, my granny(last year ), I know I won't be able to handle another death so soon. .. emotionally i know i won't be able to handle it...
At the end i din not turn up, I stayed in the car for 15mins, tears started to flow down again. I prayed for her in the car.
No one really knows how to deal with grief, many pretend they do but no one really does. Seeing ur loved ones leaving you one by one... You should do what feels right for you.
All these dreams, is it because i felt guilty for not attending the funeral that's why i had this kind of dreams?
I'd rather grieve in my own way, for all my loved ones.
Anyway, i'll always pray for you.
It was an awesome wedding. Hmm....atleast i was temporary reprieve from sadness? yea i did.
Well i had a very weird dream this afternoon when i was having a nap in my friend's room.
guess what?? i dreamed of S's funeral. Everyone was in grieve(of course la). The whole funeral procession is still fresh in my mind.
I'm not sure how come i had this kind of dream.
In fact i did not attend to the funeral. I know i should go, but my mum not allowed me to go as the fortune teller asked me not to go to any 'bai shi' means funeral this year. Otherwise i might have trouble also.
Some of you might think that we shouldn't being so supersticious right? but i believed it.
We experienced it before.(my mum is the best example for breaking the rules).
On the day(Saturday), I woke up early. I struggled and hesistated alot.
I wanted to go but i had to listen to my mum. In the end....i decided to break the rules.
When i reached outside of the funeral parlour, i couldn't control myself. You should know why...
After going through my best friends death ,my dog, my granny(last year ), I know I won't be able to handle another death so soon. .. emotionally i know i won't be able to handle it...
At the end i din not turn up, I stayed in the car for 15mins, tears started to flow down again. I prayed for her in the car.
No one really knows how to deal with grief, many pretend they do but no one really does. Seeing ur loved ones leaving you one by one... You should do what feels right for you.
All these dreams, is it because i felt guilty for not attending the funeral that's why i had this kind of dreams?
I'd rather grieve in my own way, for all my loved ones.
Anyway, i'll always pray for you.
2010/01/15
还是哭了
我，还以为自己不会哭，只会流泪。
今晚自己情不自禁的大哭了起来。想着明天S 将正式永远的离开我们，我还是哭了。
昨天以为自己能够控制自己。
以为自己经历过失去那么多次疼爱的人与宠物。
以为自己已经麻木了，原来只是自己骗自己。
刚才那场BBQ自己很难受，带着很沉重的心情参与。看着每个人嘻嘻哈哈的聊天，自己却什么都不想做。
我迟去早退，因为和别的朋友约好了。
在他们面前，我又哭了。最后一次哭是我的宝贝狗狗忽然离我而去。连续哭了几个星期。知道现在一想起还是会伤心流泪。
家里每个角落似乎还有它的存在，我真的还很不习惯。
一位好友也在去年离我而去，自己想着这一切就歇斯底里的大哭。
这些回忆，真的很痛苦。。。
人家说会回忆，是一位你珍惜爱惜过。
但，珍惜又怎样，他们能复活吗？
现在我只能够祈祷S爸能够快点醒过来，求神拜佛是唯一的办法。
老爸也去了神庙拜拜，毕竟大家都相识一场。S爸是个好好男人，做什么都为了自己的孩子。
希望他能够快点醒来。*祈祷*
今晚自己情不自禁的大哭了起来。想着明天S 将正式永远的离开我们，我还是哭了。
昨天以为自己能够控制自己。
以为自己经历过失去那么多次疼爱的人与宠物。
以为自己已经麻木了，原来只是自己骗自己。
刚才那场BBQ自己很难受，带着很沉重的心情参与。看着每个人嘻嘻哈哈的聊天，自己却什么都不想做。
我迟去早退，因为和别的朋友约好了。
在他们面前，我又哭了。最后一次哭是我的宝贝狗狗忽然离我而去。连续哭了几个星期。知道现在一想起还是会伤心流泪。
家里每个角落似乎还有它的存在，我真的还很不习惯。
一位好友也在去年离我而去，自己想着这一切就歇斯底里的大哭。
这些回忆，真的很痛苦。。。
人家说会回忆，是一位你珍惜爱惜过。
但，珍惜又怎样，他们能复活吗？
现在我只能够祈祷S爸能够快点醒过来，求神拜佛是唯一的办法。
老爸也去了神庙拜拜，毕竟大家都相识一场。S爸是个好好男人，做什么都为了自己的孩子。
希望他能够快点醒来。*祈祷*
2010/01/14
RIP Sandra.
My old friend has just passed away just now. This is a very sad new for all of us.
I was so shocked when i received the msg from vv. Even my parents too, coz my mum know she is one of my best fren when we were in primary school and my dad knows her dad too.
She unexpectedly passed away from accident. I'm sure she'll be mourned by all of us.
I know her since standard one. We used to be very close. She is such a very nice and happy go lucky girl.
She has an amazing ability to make everyone happy.
I can't believe that she leave us in that way.
I couldn’t wrap my mind around this. How could this happen so fast...
Like yesterday i just read the msg she leave in the facebook with her frens, the photos of her outing with big bunch of friends recently.
When i heard she had passed away, i was much sadder than i thought.
Sandra i'll miss you !
I know you are in a wonderful paradise now and rest in peace.
I was so shocked when i received the msg from vv. Even my parents too, coz my mum know she is one of my best fren when we were in primary school and my dad knows her dad too.
She unexpectedly passed away from accident. I'm sure she'll be mourned by all of us.
I know her since standard one. We used to be very close. She is such a very nice and happy go lucky girl.
She has an amazing ability to make everyone happy.
I can't believe that she leave us in that way.
I couldn’t wrap my mind around this. How could this happen so fast...
Like yesterday i just read the msg she leave in the facebook with her frens, the photos of her outing with big bunch of friends recently.
When i heard she had passed away, i was much sadder than i thought.
Sandra i'll miss you !
I know you are in a wonderful paradise now and rest in peace.
bored ar...
Noticed the frequent updates? tat's just indicate how bored i am...lol!
but nvm la, one more day! day after tomorrow i'll be busy, not really busy, atleast there are something for me to do. jalan makan shop play watever!
today i've mood to blog , no reason.=P
but it's a good thing in a way, it gives me enough time to gather all my thoughts, thoughts that has been lingering around in my mind.
For this 3 weeks of holidays, if u ask me what i've done in this holiday, i only can tell u that 'Nothing!'.haha yala memang nothing. the small small thing cannot count la, like hanging out wif frens or what.
3 weeks times, not too long ...hmm not too short . It gives me times to do some soul searching.
Before the break and first week of the holiday, was struggling whether to do my itp this year or next year. i always think that i should do it this year juz like others. my aa also encourage me to do it this year. this aa very gila one. he always want me to get first class, otherwise i need to go see him for accessment every sem.
i'm not sure what is in his mind, he's too free or what? tot above 2.5 we nonid to meet our aa one.
I should ask him to get the percentage of FET student who get first class every sem. SO EASY TO GET MEH?
He's contradicting himself. I know the fact that is if i want to do it this year, there's always a risk there. I don't think i can handle it. And i'm not ready yet. How to boost up my cgpa if he wants me to do all the thing together. As i said, i'm last minute person, don't expect me to study everyday. blek!
Well new year new resolution, i know what i want...but i juz wanna reaffirm it, so that it's more vivid and i juz wanna make sure it's right when the time comes.
Nevertheless, as they say, nothing is 100% certain in life untill it happens there.
So....i'm taking baby steps to get there. I want it slow but steady!
I know, it's never too late kan? nenene.
my own destiny
but nvm la, one more day! day after tomorrow i'll be busy, not really busy, atleast there are something for me to do. jalan makan shop play watever!
today i've mood to blog , no reason.=P
but it's a good thing in a way, it gives me enough time to gather all my thoughts, thoughts that has been lingering around in my mind.
For this 3 weeks of holidays, if u ask me what i've done in this holiday, i only can tell u that 'Nothing!'.haha yala memang nothing. the small small thing cannot count la, like hanging out wif frens or what.
3 weeks times, not too long ...hmm not too short . It gives me times to do some soul searching.
Before the break and first week of the holiday, was struggling whether to do my itp this year or next year. i always think that i should do it this year juz like others. my aa also encourage me to do it this year. this aa very gila one. he always want me to get first class, otherwise i need to go see him for accessment every sem.
i'm not sure what is in his mind, he's too free or what? tot above 2.5 we nonid to meet our aa one.
I should ask him to get the percentage of FET student who get first class every sem. SO EASY TO GET MEH?
He's contradicting himself. I know the fact that is if i want to do it this year, there's always a risk there. I don't think i can handle it. And i'm not ready yet. How to boost up my cgpa if he wants me to do all the thing together. As i said, i'm last minute person, don't expect me to study everyday. blek!
Well new year new resolution, i know what i want...but i juz wanna reaffirm it, so that it's more vivid and i juz wanna make sure it's right when the time comes.
Nevertheless, as they say, nothing is 100% certain in life untill it happens there.
So....i'm taking baby steps to get there. I want it slow but steady!
I know, it's never too late kan? nenene.
my own destiny
2010/01/13
camera
See this! hehe! very cool right? too bad this is not mine.
Found this picture in the desktop, is my sis's camera that she bought few months ago!
I'm going to buy 1 soon but don't know what brand n model should i buy
And the problem is i only have rm1000 to buy it.(my birthday present which my dad promised to buy 1 for me)wakaka!
so no more dslr la keke. it look nice but hard to use. me lazy punya orang cannot use one.
hmm i lost my pendrive again and i lost all the file and photos! lotsa photo inside there!
see la my desktop now like so empty, can't even find a nice picture to put on.
Final decision
Feel so odd to blog in english again, but i know i need to do so.
But i won't be using the standard english la since my english is so poor kan, can't even use the proper word to describe the things i wanna describe. Nvm, pinyin, hokkien,n malay are always my best buddy in writting in english...but don't bother about it since everyone is using the same way also.
The things that need to decide had to decide.
I had make up my mind. Nobody can change my mind right now.
FINALLY . yay! *relieved*
But i won't be using the standard english la since my english is so poor kan, can't even use the proper word to describe the things i wanna describe. Nvm, pinyin, hokkien,n malay are always my best buddy in writting in english...but don't bother about it since everyone is using the same way also.
The things that need to decide had to decide.
I had make up my mind. Nobody can change my mind right now.
FINALLY . yay! *relieved*
2010/01/12
猜不透-丁当
古人说：“有志者，事竟成。”， 有道理！
经过一番搜查后。。。灯灯灯灯！ 原来害我找到半命的歌就是这首歌！
超好听！以其说好听，不如说他的歌词写的好好，好贴近自己的人生！
我在想啊，如果我读书有找歌一半的精力就够了，也不用一半，1/4 就够了。
决定一件事，明天开始用英文回！
原因1。自己的英文越来越糟了。2。自己也不知道为什么会转去华语。3。我还没考那个死人英文。4.太久没用英文了。
经过一番搜查后。。。灯灯灯灯！ 原来害我找到半命的歌就是这首歌！
超好听！以其说好听，不如说他的歌词写的好好，好贴近自己的人生！
我在想啊，如果我读书有找歌一半的精力就够了，也不用一半，1/4 就够了。
决定一件事，明天开始用英文回！
原因1。自己的英文越来越糟了。2。自己也不知道为什么会转去华语。3。我还没考那个死人英文。4.太久没用英文了。
给未来的自己
站在狂风的天台一望无际
这一座孤寂的城市
在天空与高楼交接的尽头
谁追寻空旷的自由
阳光覆满这一刻宁静的我
隔绝了喧嚣和冷漠
川流不息的人游荡在街头
谁能听见谁的寂寞
找一个人惶惶相惜
找一颗心心心相印
在这个宇宙我是独一无二
没人能取代
不管怎样怎样都会受伤
伤了又怎样至少我很坚强
我很坦荡
夜幕笼罩灿烂的一片灯海
多少人多少种无奈
在星光里遗忘昨天的伤害
一觉醒来还有期待
我不放弃爱的勇气
我不怀疑会有真心
我要握住一个最美的梦
给未来的自己
一天一天一天推翻一天
坚持的信仰
我会记住自己今天的模样
有一个人惶惶相惜
有一颗心心心相印
抛开过去我想认真去追寻
未来的自己
不管怎样怎样都会受伤
伤了又怎样至少我很坚强
我很坦荡
我不放弃爱的勇气
我不怀疑会有真心
我要握住一个最美的梦
给未来的自己
不管怎样怎样都会受伤
伤了又怎样至少我很坚强
我很坦荡
未来的你会懂我的疯狂
这首歌，终于给我找到了！哇哈哈！其实也不知道从哪找来的那种精力一首一首去找。
昨天在理发院听到这首歌，重复又重复，好好听！只知道是杨宗玮唱的歌罢了。还有一首，现在还下落不明，不懂是温岚还是丁当的歌，超好听！歌词写的好好！现在还在努力寻找中。
说到理发店，我每次都有艳遇！哇哈哈！当然我不想讲那么多，没有我又在那边自己沾沾自喜，一个人笑。就像昨晚去吃东西酱，想到艳遇自己就一个人笑，再想到某人的牙齿还勾着早上吃的菜更笑到无法自拔。就因为一直回味，晚上睡觉就发回白天所发生的事，给帅哥按摩真的好爽！脸都红掉了。很遗憾自己没有在最佳状态给人这样看。然后又发梦某人牙齿勾着菜给人洗头的样子。幸好不是我，没有我什么脸都没了。
我。。。将继续找那首歌！
这一座孤寂的城市
在天空与高楼交接的尽头
谁追寻空旷的自由
阳光覆满这一刻宁静的我
隔绝了喧嚣和冷漠
川流不息的人游荡在街头
谁能听见谁的寂寞
找一个人惶惶相惜
找一颗心心心相印
在这个宇宙我是独一无二
没人能取代
不管怎样怎样都会受伤
伤了又怎样至少我很坚强
我很坦荡
夜幕笼罩灿烂的一片灯海
多少人多少种无奈
在星光里遗忘昨天的伤害
一觉醒来还有期待
我不放弃爱的勇气
我不怀疑会有真心
我要握住一个最美的梦
给未来的自己
一天一天一天推翻一天
坚持的信仰
我会记住自己今天的模样
有一个人惶惶相惜
有一颗心心心相印
抛开过去我想认真去追寻
未来的自己
不管怎样怎样都会受伤
伤了又怎样至少我很坚强
我很坦荡
我不放弃爱的勇气
我不怀疑会有真心
我要握住一个最美的梦
给未来的自己
不管怎样怎样都会受伤
伤了又怎样至少我很坚强
我很坦荡
未来的你会懂我的疯狂
这首歌，终于给我找到了！哇哈哈！其实也不知道从哪找来的那种精力一首一首去找。
昨天在理发院听到这首歌，重复又重复，好好听！只知道是杨宗玮唱的歌罢了。还有一首，现在还下落不明，不懂是温岚还是丁当的歌，超好听！歌词写的好好！现在还在努力寻找中。
说到理发店，我每次都有艳遇！哇哈哈！当然我不想讲那么多，没有我又在那边自己沾沾自喜，一个人笑。就像昨晚去吃东西酱，想到艳遇自己就一个人笑，再想到某人的牙齿还勾着早上吃的菜更笑到无法自拔。就因为一直回味，晚上睡觉就发回白天所发生的事，给帅哥按摩真的好爽！脸都红掉了。很遗憾自己没有在最佳状态给人这样看。然后又发梦某人牙齿勾着菜给人洗头的样子。幸好不是我，没有我什么脸都没了。
我。。。将继续找那首歌！
2010/01/11
我是superwoman!
最近的我好忙。
忙什么？
忙着做家务和帮老爸看店。
妈咪最近有点不舒服，所以呢。。。这些重任就全都交给我。这几天的家里都给我打理的井井有条。哇哈哈！没有夸张的咯。。。
弄完家里就跑去店里帮。店里前几天还就是因为没人帮，抽屉的钱就给人偷掉。过后才后悔到半死，因为自己在房间睡大觉。
基本上我只有在晚上才得空，但就是累到办命的那种。
不知道为什么，自己变得不喜欢谈天。
不管是谁都好，msn,sms我我都懒得回复，无药可救。。。
不管是很久没联络的也好，很亲的也好，平时很好聊的也好，我都不当作一回事，好不正常。
觉得我的语言能力越来越糟了，一直都表达不出，想不出该怎么写。
华语不好，英语更不好，结果才发现自己什么都不好。*纳闷*
忙什么？
忙着做家务和帮老爸看店。
妈咪最近有点不舒服，所以呢。。。这些重任就全都交给我。这几天的家里都给我打理的井井有条。哇哈哈！没有夸张的咯。。。
弄完家里就跑去店里帮。店里前几天还就是因为没人帮，抽屉的钱就给人偷掉。过后才后悔到半死，因为自己在房间睡大觉。
基本上我只有在晚上才得空，但就是累到办命的那种。
不知道为什么，自己变得不喜欢谈天。
不管是谁都好，msn,sms我我都懒得回复，无药可救。。。
不管是很久没联络的也好，很亲的也好，平时很好聊的也好，我都不当作一回事，好不正常。
觉得我的语言能力越来越糟了，一直都表达不出，想不出该怎么写。
华语不好，英语更不好，结果才发现自己什么都不好。*纳闷*
2010/01/05
我，不想一直回到过去。
这些年来很感谢一直给予支持与帮过我的人。
曾经因为某人的错失以及不负责任的行为，把我的人生推到谷里。
当时的我什么都不懂，什么的不会，只会埋狠在心里，一直在讨厌她，厌恨她。
因为她，我感觉到我的人生没了，是她把我的一切毁掉了。
没告诉任何人，因为总觉的说了也没用，事情过了就过了，但事实上却还是很在意这件事。
因为她，我的人生不再是我的人生，更过着大家都不知道的日子。
现在我在这里坦白，只是想放开一切，不在去想那么多，说服自己去原谅她。
如果大家还记得，我有一段蛮长的时期，不想和任何人见面，像是人间蒸发似的。我无法面对任何人，那时的我，是最堕落的时候。
想回去，自己是多么的笨和不成熟，因为事情不是这样就能解决的。
当时的我，任何人的话都不会去听，因为只觉得上天对我永远都是不公平的。
我只活在虚拟的生活，学校里的朋友们我全部都不想见。
跟着猪朋狗友过着自暴自弃的生活，人家去喝酒我都会跟，但我不喝多，我只是享受在里面那种生活。喜欢那些大大声的歌或音乐，越大声越好。所以现在每个人都说我每次听歌开的很大声，叫我关小声，但这种感觉我已经习惯了，反而开小声我会变得很不自在。
接二连三的事真的是一波未平一波·又起，觉得我的人生应该到某处就停止，不想再继续的走下去。
这件事该只有两位朋友知道吧，毕竟这也不是值得去讨论的一件事。
当时的我是多么的悲观，真的很感谢一路都陪伴着我的人。
直到近期，慢慢的开始想开放开，不想把自己锁在过去，不再看别人的眼光，只要自己过着自己想过的生活就可以了。
2009年是个喜怒哀乐的一年，我相信雨过天晴的道理。
再多浓密的乌云飘走后，一定会看见彩虹。
至少我做到了。
这些年来很感谢一直给予支持与帮过我的人。
曾经因为某人的错失以及不负责任的行为，把我的人生推到谷里。
当时的我什么都不懂，什么的不会，只会埋狠在心里，一直在讨厌她，厌恨她。
因为她，我感觉到我的人生没了，是她把我的一切毁掉了。
没告诉任何人，因为总觉的说了也没用，事情过了就过了，但事实上却还是很在意这件事。
因为她，我的人生不再是我的人生，更过着大家都不知道的日子。
现在我在这里坦白，只是想放开一切，不在去想那么多，说服自己去原谅她。
如果大家还记得，我有一段蛮长的时期，不想和任何人见面，像是人间蒸发似的。我无法面对任何人，那时的我，是最堕落的时候。
想回去，自己是多么的笨和不成熟，因为事情不是这样就能解决的。
当时的我，任何人的话都不会去听，因为只觉得上天对我永远都是不公平的。
我只活在虚拟的生活，学校里的朋友们我全部都不想见。
跟着猪朋狗友过着自暴自弃的生活，人家去喝酒我都会跟，但我不喝多，我只是享受在里面那种生活。喜欢那些大大声的歌或音乐，越大声越好。所以现在每个人都说我每次听歌开的很大声，叫我关小声，但这种感觉我已经习惯了，反而开小声我会变得很不自在。
接二连三的事真的是一波未平一波·又起，觉得我的人生应该到某处就停止，不想再继续的走下去。
这件事该只有两位朋友知道吧，毕竟这也不是值得去讨论的一件事。
当时的我是多么的悲观，真的很感谢一路都陪伴着我的人。
直到近期，慢慢的开始想开放开，不想把自己锁在过去，不再看别人的眼光，只要自己过着自己想过的生活就可以了。
2009年是个喜怒哀乐的一年，我相信雨过天晴的道理。
再多浓密的乌云飘走后，一定会看见彩虹。
至少我做到了。
2010/01/02
2010
2010年的第一天，一定要写些东西，虽然很不想也很懒惰写。
2010年1月1日凌晨12.30左右，倒数后车子竟然被人撞屁股！！！！
真是个好意头！真的是值得纪念。而且还是在那么多车面前被撞！
还好只是扁一点点而已。
好了，待续。。。。。
再见。
2010年1月1日凌晨12.30左右，倒数后车子竟然被人撞屁股！！！！
真是个好意头！真的是值得纪念。而且还是在那么多车面前被撞！
还好只是扁一点点而已。
好了，待续。。。。。
再见。
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