the crazy guy keep calling me , but i din answer him. daytime n midnight, keep disturbing me, i dunno how to do now.
i'm nt in a good mood, now oni i realised i still cnt accept the truth that my granny had passed away, although it's 1++ month. i miss her very very much. i was so emo juz now so i've decided to drive around. i drove passed makhota medical centre n putra specialist which my granny used to stay for a short period, i'm the one who needa visit her everyday coz my parents was busy n i needa bring the maid to jaga her. so most properly i'm the closest grandchild of her. when i drove passed there,i started to cry in the car, nonstop crying , frm kota laksamana, melaka raya bridge, equatorial...i couldn't stop crying,untill i reached home.
she likes to call me to bring her to the place she likes coz i'm all in melaka! others grandchildren r all away frm here. so i'll meet her everyday. i'm nt used to it when i dun see her,even now my tears started to flow down...i really hope i can see her again. i miss her...
2008/10/31
I'm so tired
19 oct 2008
I am tired of finding excuses for my friends. I have discovered that I am the one with the problem. There is something wrong with me. What else can I believe? They don’t like my company.
Let me explain.I haven’t seen my fren in a very long time and he keeps asking me to see him one day. It’s not that I’ve been extremely busy; there has always been something else to do. So I kept refusing him. Until last week when I said I would meet him. We settled to meet one day and he was supposed to call me and tell me exactly where. At about 3 PM that day I sent him a message asking for directions but he didn’t answer, so I didn’t call him. So we didn’t meet. I thought it would be normal for him to call me, since that was what we had decided. He didn’t call me to explain why he didn’t give me any sign and I am really upset about that. And I am not going to call him because he is the one who kept insisting on seeing me. Maybe I am wrong. I think that he just forgot. Forgot about me! I am getting used to that. After that he called me again, but i rejected him.
A friend of mine and I decided to go to an art gallery on Saturday. She was supposed to call in the morning meet me. At 12AM I got a message telling me that she was at a party at a beach resort. Ok. I was really glad for her since she had been depressed lately. But what about me?!? What about the things she was supposed to do on Saturday morning before going to the art gallery with me?!? You know, I am kinda tired of people always finding something better to do than spending time with me. I am starting to believe that I am good only when there is nobody better around, nothing better to do………… it is a really bad feeling but they don’t seem to understand it. Ok, it was a party in a nice place, I got that, good company, music, dancing, but why do I always get left behind?!? Am I only good when they need something, when there isn’t anything better to do? I am staring to believe that. I am staring to believe that there isn’t much about me anyway. Actually I think I should care about me more, as much as they care about themselves, and maybe then I would be happier…..or maybe I am – again - finding excuses for them. Or maybe they should treat me like I – at least – try to treat them. Isn’t it strange that every time they find something better to do they decide to postpone me? Or maybe there is something wrong with me. Unfortunately I don’t know what, because I was finally starting to get used to and like what I’ve become, with my good and horrific sides.Maybe I’ve learned to stop the pain.??So…..I am asking now….is there something wrong with me? Yup, there is something wrong with me. I don’t expect or demand or even want to be the center of their universe, but I wish they wouldn’t hurt me. I let them hurt me, I know.My friend, please, don’t be angry with what I said about you, don’t be angry with me, I just needed to let it all out. I will and I try to change my attitude. When I don’t want to do something I say I don’t want to. I know that plans change, but I am a fan of sticking to plans that we make. When I say something and plan to do something I try and like to stick to that plan. I am so stupid right now for saying this.
I used to tell my other friend that i don't know how to say 'NO'. When people asked for my help, i say 'YES' even i dunwan to. too many times...i have a fren, he never attend to the class for the whole sem and i'm the one who needa help him to sign the attendence. Evryday he'll send me a message like 'hey sign for me pls, i overslept', 'hey can u sign for me,i havent slept for the whole nite', 'hey can u sign for me, i'm nt felling well', 'hey can u sign for me , i got no transport to go to campus..",blagh blagh blagh....he has so much excuses jz to not attend the class, i used to it so one day, i reply him 'nonid to msg me d,i'll sign for u for all the classes,dun worry...haha"
when i sent the message,i still can put a smiley there which i reluctant to put. i really dunno how to reject him. when come to the assignment, he started to call me for hundred time a day for the solution. i told him i havent finished then he asked me to call him when i done. i was wondering y dun he try to do himself first. so i turn off my phone. when i done,he said he wan a copy frm my answer. But the problem was how to pass to him my answer. so he ask me to make a copy n bring to him. i was like WTF!!!!!! he is the one who asked for my help and i needa do all this things too. i'm staying in b.baru n he stay in b.beruang , needa drive to his house n pass it to him. it's nt the first time. when exams coming,he'll ask me for all the tutorials answer coz he never attend to the class, so the same thing, i'll make extra copy or him,including all thick thick notes. i spend my time n money to do all the copies but he din pay me back. I dunno how to ask money frm him i n dunno how to say NO!
i felt like i'm so useless! even i spent my time go to his house to study together coz he said he dun understand the notes. ended up i'm the one who teachs him for whole day n i got no chance to study. I dunno y lah...it's like i'm the one who owe him. I HATE THIS KINDA FEELING!
I am tired of finding excuses for my friends. I have discovered that I am the one with the problem. There is something wrong with me. What else can I believe? They don’t like my company.
Let me explain.I haven’t seen my fren in a very long time and he keeps asking me to see him one day. It’s not that I’ve been extremely busy; there has always been something else to do. So I kept refusing him. Until last week when I said I would meet him. We settled to meet one day and he was supposed to call me and tell me exactly where. At about 3 PM that day I sent him a message asking for directions but he didn’t answer, so I didn’t call him. So we didn’t meet. I thought it would be normal for him to call me, since that was what we had decided. He didn’t call me to explain why he didn’t give me any sign and I am really upset about that. And I am not going to call him because he is the one who kept insisting on seeing me. Maybe I am wrong. I think that he just forgot. Forgot about me! I am getting used to that. After that he called me again, but i rejected him.
A friend of mine and I decided to go to an art gallery on Saturday. She was supposed to call in the morning meet me. At 12AM I got a message telling me that she was at a party at a beach resort. Ok. I was really glad for her since she had been depressed lately. But what about me?!? What about the things she was supposed to do on Saturday morning before going to the art gallery with me?!? You know, I am kinda tired of people always finding something better to do than spending time with me. I am starting to believe that I am good only when there is nobody better around, nothing better to do………… it is a really bad feeling but they don’t seem to understand it. Ok, it was a party in a nice place, I got that, good company, music, dancing, but why do I always get left behind?!? Am I only good when they need something, when there isn’t anything better to do? I am staring to believe that. I am staring to believe that there isn’t much about me anyway. Actually I think I should care about me more, as much as they care about themselves, and maybe then I would be happier…..or maybe I am – again - finding excuses for them. Or maybe they should treat me like I – at least – try to treat them. Isn’t it strange that every time they find something better to do they decide to postpone me? Or maybe there is something wrong with me. Unfortunately I don’t know what, because I was finally starting to get used to and like what I’ve become, with my good and horrific sides.Maybe I’ve learned to stop the pain.??So…..I am asking now….is there something wrong with me? Yup, there is something wrong with me. I don’t expect or demand or even want to be the center of their universe, but I wish they wouldn’t hurt me. I let them hurt me, I know.My friend, please, don’t be angry with what I said about you, don’t be angry with me, I just needed to let it all out. I will and I try to change my attitude. When I don’t want to do something I say I don’t want to. I know that plans change, but I am a fan of sticking to plans that we make. When I say something and plan to do something I try and like to stick to that plan. I am so stupid right now for saying this.
I used to tell my other friend that i don't know how to say 'NO'. When people asked for my help, i say 'YES' even i dunwan to. too many times...i have a fren, he never attend to the class for the whole sem and i'm the one who needa help him to sign the attendence. Evryday he'll send me a message like 'hey sign for me pls, i overslept', 'hey can u sign for me,i havent slept for the whole nite', 'hey can u sign for me, i'm nt felling well', 'hey can u sign for me , i got no transport to go to campus..",blagh blagh blagh....he has so much excuses jz to not attend the class, i used to it so one day, i reply him 'nonid to msg me d,i'll sign for u for all the classes,dun worry...haha"
when i sent the message,i still can put a smiley there which i reluctant to put. i really dunno how to reject him. when come to the assignment, he started to call me for hundred time a day for the solution. i told him i havent finished then he asked me to call him when i done. i was wondering y dun he try to do himself first. so i turn off my phone. when i done,he said he wan a copy frm my answer. But the problem was how to pass to him my answer. so he ask me to make a copy n bring to him. i was like WTF!!!!!! he is the one who asked for my help and i needa do all this things too. i'm staying in b.baru n he stay in b.beruang , needa drive to his house n pass it to him. it's nt the first time. when exams coming,he'll ask me for all the tutorials answer coz he never attend to the class, so the same thing, i'll make extra copy or him,including all thick thick notes. i spend my time n money to do all the copies but he din pay me back. I dunno how to ask money frm him i n dunno how to say NO!
i felt like i'm so useless! even i spent my time go to his house to study together coz he said he dun understand the notes. ended up i'm the one who teachs him for whole day n i got no chance to study. I dunno y lah...it's like i'm the one who owe him. I HATE THIS KINDA FEELING!
hei hi yo hello
I have just realized that I haven't written too much about the good things in my life. oh yea this is the reason i have my blog. People around me always have the same thought --sinling is a happy go lucky gal, she is carefree, happening, nothing can beats her, easy going, she is a laughing machine. well it's true when i'm with my frens, i felt lucky coz i have big bunch of frens, so i always tend to be the happiest one. But...how many of them observed the other side of me? so the blog will tells the story, if they read this, the might change their mind d...wahaha.
it's rainning now, thank god coz it's been SO HOT lately. i've been rolling on my bed for 2 hours which i dun feel like i wanna wake up. hehe. holidays ma...
have nt been blogging for some times, so i decided to post more blogs today since i'm so motivated today. sometimes i'm so lazy to blog, so i wrote it down in my diary book (i know it's very outdated)nenene.
it's rainning now, thank god coz it's been SO HOT lately. i've been rolling on my bed for 2 hours which i dun feel like i wanna wake up. hehe. holidays ma...
have nt been blogging for some times, so i decided to post more blogs today since i'm so motivated today. sometimes i'm so lazy to blog, so i wrote it down in my diary book (i know it's very outdated)nenene.
2008/10/29
i shudn't reply the weirdo.
i received a sms today, which is actually i'm nt the one the fellow wanna talk to. tats our conversation.
guy : hi,do u knoe me?
me : dunno
guy : i'm the one who stay usj.
i stopped repying him coz i knew he got the wrong number ma.
den he called me for 3 times, but i din answer, after tat he msg me again.
guy : y u dun wanna reply me? ok i'll me u in starbucks KLCC1 at 3pm.
me :u've gotten the wrong person ok? i dunno wat u talking about, pls check ur fren's num properly.
guy : i know u r clayston.
me :(i was thinking wtf clayston is) no i'm nt clayston! can u juz stop calling me n msging me,it's very annoying.
guy : but u r clayston.
me : ok one more time, i'm nt the one u wanna find n tis is nt KL!!!!u dunno how to read izit?
guy : if u r nt clayston then who r u?
hey come on la, where gt ppl so stupid go introduce themselve to a stranger, n i rilly dunno wat's his purpose to ask tis, so i reply...
me : it's nt necessary for me to tell u who i m, i dunno who is clayston. can u juz go n check the number again. i felt like i'm an idiot when i talking to u, u juz can get wat i mean. if u nt sure the number then how can u juz simply sms the person n ask 'do u know me?' it's ridiculous ok? wat i can tell u is u GOT THE WRONG NUMBER! (very very pissed)
guy : ok ok ...let's be fren ok. i'm patrick...if u r good person can u tell me about u?
me : omg izit the way u wanna find someone to talk to? i'm nt the rite person ok, can u juz pls go find someone else,i gt no time to play wif tis kinda stuff.n pls stop disturbing me.
guy : i noe u thru my fren, can we juz b fren?
i off my phone n stopped replying him, n he kept calling n messaging me. so i got no idea wat to do. dun bother him , gila guy!!!!!
guy : hi,do u knoe me?
me : dunno
guy : i'm the one who stay usj.
i stopped repying him coz i knew he got the wrong number ma.
den he called me for 3 times, but i din answer, after tat he msg me again.
guy : y u dun wanna reply me? ok i'll me u in starbucks KLCC1 at 3pm.
me :u've gotten the wrong person ok? i dunno wat u talking about, pls check ur fren's num properly.
guy : i know u r clayston.
me :(i was thinking wtf clayston is) no i'm nt clayston! can u juz stop calling me n msging me,it's very annoying.
guy : but u r clayston.
me : ok one more time, i'm nt the one u wanna find n tis is nt KL!!!!u dunno how to read izit?
guy : if u r nt clayston then who r u?
hey come on la, where gt ppl so stupid go introduce themselve to a stranger, n i rilly dunno wat's his purpose to ask tis, so i reply...
me : it's nt necessary for me to tell u who i m, i dunno who is clayston. can u juz go n check the number again. i felt like i'm an idiot when i talking to u, u juz can get wat i mean. if u nt sure the number then how can u juz simply sms the person n ask 'do u know me?' it's ridiculous ok? wat i can tell u is u GOT THE WRONG NUMBER! (very very pissed)
guy : ok ok ...let's be fren ok. i'm patrick...if u r good person can u tell me about u?
me : omg izit the way u wanna find someone to talk to? i'm nt the rite person ok, can u juz pls go find someone else,i gt no time to play wif tis kinda stuff.n pls stop disturbing me.
guy : i noe u thru my fren, can we juz b fren?
i off my phone n stopped replying him, n he kept calling n messaging me. so i got no idea wat to do. dun bother him , gila guy!!!!!
2008/10/04
someone i can talk to...(EMO POST)
i wasn't in a good mood for these few weeks(months).
too many things happened in one shot which i dunno how to handle it.
i'm upset.
wanted to find someone to talk to...but it seemed everyone was busying wif their stuff. i need someone who can be trusted.
i tried to talk to one of my best fren, too bad she's owaz not the right person i can talk to, for her.....guy owaz more important than anyone. she was busying wif her new coming bf. i talked to her but she looked not so care about me n she DIN'T listen to my problem, she kept smsing wif the guy, so i choose to shut my mouth.
i know there's someone i can talk to,but i hardly can contact wif him now, he's so far away frm here. i wanna talk to u!!!! i miss those time we chat frm day time until midnight, no secrets btw us. somehow, something happened in btw us....which i wanna apologize.i'm sorry abt it.
i hope he's doing great now.
next week will be my final exam too...emo...emo...emo...
too many things happened in one shot which i dunno how to handle it.
i'm upset.
wanted to find someone to talk to...but it seemed everyone was busying wif their stuff. i need someone who can be trusted.
i tried to talk to one of my best fren, too bad she's owaz not the right person i can talk to, for her.....guy owaz more important than anyone. she was busying wif her new coming bf. i talked to her but she looked not so care about me n she DIN'T listen to my problem, she kept smsing wif the guy, so i choose to shut my mouth.
i know there's someone i can talk to,but i hardly can contact wif him now, he's so far away frm here. i wanna talk to u!!!! i miss those time we chat frm day time until midnight, no secrets btw us. somehow, something happened in btw us....which i wanna apologize.i'm sorry abt it.
i hope he's doing great now.
next week will be my final exam too...emo...emo...emo...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)