Dreams

I've found some nice and meaningful pictures in my fren's blog. so i curi some pictures from there.
Talk about dreams? I'll never let them go perhaps I'll  temporarily switch it off. till i graduated...maybe?
I'M STUCK IN THIS LOUSY PLACE!

走出那些阴霾

不开心的日子过久了，就开始习惯了‘我不开心’的日子。人生只有黑白，没色彩。

星期五去了医院一趟，好不想去，因为我不想想到一些伤心的回忆。那家医院，就是我婆婆离开我们的最后一个地方，是我给她最后一个承诺的地方，是她没守着我和她诺言的地方。

我永远记得她临走的早上，我带着佣人到医院去，就像往常一样，我会跟她做些按摩，但由于自己要赶着去学校做assignment,我要离开，她不给，要我继续陪她跟她做按摩，我没办法只好答应她我做完我的东西一定会马上回到医院去，她只是点点头答应我。

到了学校才要走去图书馆，老爸就打来了，跟我说婆婆已经离开了。当时的我没给什么反应，只是一直想着要马上做完要回去跟婆婆按摩。我呆了。

在巴士上回忆起这些，眼泪情不自禁的不停留下。我的眼睛除了窗外，再也不敢再看别的地方，把耳机插进耳里把歌开得最大声。看着每个人都兴高采烈的等着目的地的到来，我却一点都不想到达目的地。那家医院，曾经是自己一天会去很多次的那种。看着医院，只有熟悉感和遗憾。心里不停的想，‘不是说好会等我的吗？’傍晚从医院回来后，就一直很沉默，做了晚饭后就去了学校一下。

开完会后我不想回家，因为在家人面前勉强的笑。想约朋友出来，才发现自己的朋友也变少了，好像各有各的忙，自己却不想去打扰他们。也许也是报应吧，因为自己也是每次都跟他们说自己没空，大家的距离也慢慢远离了。就在自己心灰意冷决定自己一个人到处兜风的时候，终于小鱼来找我了。也不知为什么，当时只有感动两个字能够形容我的感受吧。

星期六晚上，由于第二天要扫墓，和大头虾一班人上了kl庆祝某人的生日。当晚喝了超多，自己就哭了起来。醉酒大哭，这种情况以往都是在戏剧里才看得到，想不到自己就是会醉酒大哭的那一位。他们都说我哭得很凄凉，我更没印象自己哭过，只觉得醒来时眼睛干干肿肿的。大家担心我会跑去自杀，以为我受情伤。=P我知道自己哭得原因只有三个：想念宝贝狗，想念婆婆，想念离开我的好友，心里太多的包袱和压力。

哭，对我来说是件很普遍的事，只要我一想念他们，我就哭了。三两天哭一次已变成了一种习惯。

今天，从早忙到晚，扫了几个墓，回来马六甲日落洞简直是要我的命。我们被晒到变人干了。傍晚到了SKE拜祭婆婆时，我才想起我做晚哭的原因。原来我又想念她了。
就这样，我的一天就酱过去了。

我，真的很想走出这种忧郁的日子。

updates

My cousin is defaming me on his blog. stupid boy. i update so much more frequently than him now and he says im the one procrastinating. hmphhhhh! here's a post just to prove him WRONG! :P
but hor...i din't expect someone would read my blog now lo, since my blog so cacat now.
anyhoo, here's some updates.just incase someone who has a crash on me secrectly curi- curi stalk me leh...wahaha.

Fyi, its really getting harder and harder to like constantly update my blog.. LOADS of things are happening and i'm so so so busy with all my stuff. For people who comprehend my situation, i appreaciate it very much. For those who DON'T, just keep ur mouth shut or stop figuring out the answer by giving a wrong judge on me.

Back to the title, i don't wanna have a emo blog here.hehe.

Actually hor, i've nothing to write here. like i have many things to tell, but i don't even know where to start from. Sometimes i think of how some people are so philosophical on their blogs and i wish i could be like that.. like write stuff that makes me sound smart :P

I remember when i first created this blog few years ago, i used to think of to become the next kennysia or xiaxue or some famous blogger....and i used to tell people than i'm a blogger! Oh gosh...once i think of all this again ar...BULLSHIT!!!! So so so stupid! oh wellls :) i'll just be me!

Last few weeks was pretty busy, what with everyone having mid terms and tests and everything.. and too bad i screwed up all the paper. when i say all, i meant it. ALLLLLL! we'll see the marks later.*sigh*

Happy birthday Fifi! luckily u r not in malaysia now. so i nonid to celebrate ur big day with ya. save my money.have a safe trip!

为了不想被有些事情烦着，决定做个白痴的事。
谢谢愿意帮我的朋友，感谢不尽，但我知道这是要代价的。*无奈*

games

跟你玩个游戏，

类是过关斩将，规则：不许喊累，不能申冤，不可发牢骚，没得发脾气，不能哭，不能complain, 最好不要说太多话。

可以选放弃，不然就一直往前冲，一关又一关，躲避一波又一波迎面盖来的大浪。

对 ！ 只能躲避！不能发表意见，不可防守也没得反击。

这样，你才能继续过关，到终点就会有奖品。奖品是？那只有能到达终点的人才能知道。

问题是：你根本看不到终点在哪里，你会放弃吗？

talking about...

SELF-OBSESSED?

Studying with a camera or phone is as seductive  as bringing a group of choir to the library. agree?

can't help myself ....

Gt myself a pair of contact lenses few weeks ago(forced by my dai lou).

what i can say is it's SOOOOOO uncomfortable.

so i'll only wear it when it's necessary.

wearing a glasses will always make me look like a good girl kan?*evil laugh*

But i know atleast my case is much more better than the bird.

coz she can't even fit the lenses into her eyes.wahahaha.

Not discrimination

Now i started believing that he's a gay.

I'm not discriminating or what, i'm just....*what a pity*

累了

自己感觉到累了，累到自己很想放弃一切，放弃关于所有自己的事情，放弃生命。
从来没想过自己会那么的痛苦，每天都过着左右为难的日子，自己却不知道该怎么做。每天都有步见步的过生活。
妈妈的病到现在也没什么好转，所以自己的负担也变重了。
自己永远要在做选择中徘徊，要看店？照顾妈妈？考试读书？我知道我不是那种能一心二用的人，自己却又不想妈妈再劳累了，所以做了一个很艰难的决定。
自己也许太高攀自己的本领了吧，以为白天作功做家务晚上可以温习功课，但这是根本不可能的事。晚上的我已经累到不能说话了，根本没精力再去做任何的事。
这次的小考我考得一团糟，我很难想象自己要怎样去跟AA解释。他还说这次可以拿second upper 给他看。他就是酱变态，没有firstclass 就必须去见他。所以大家都可以明白为什么我每次都要去见他了吧。。。
也许大家都认为这是自己的选择，我也许可以选择读书不去帮爸妈。
但是我想大家都不会了解吧，当你曾经失去过最心爱的人或东西时，你会不想再失去了，你会不顾一切的去珍惜。
而我，也失去过了太多，我不想再失去了。
为了家，我已经放弃了很多东西。
放弃了友情，爱情，学业，放弃了好多好多。
有时觉得上天对我很不公平，每次都给我那么多的考验，每次到要考试的时候就是特别多的事情发生在我身上。自己每次都跟别人不一样。
以前的我活得潇洒，想要出去便拿了车钥匙便出去溜了。现在呢，要出的时候会顾虑到很多东西，店有人顾吗？妈妈身体好了吗？他们午餐或晚餐要吃什么呢？
觉得自己在一夜之间成长和成熟了很多。看着别人该读书时间就读书，玩的时候可以玩，自己却什么都做不到，有时会很不服。
每天自己都过着忧郁的日子，太多事情去烦，以往的开心已经消失了。朋友都说我很blue，心不在焉。
朋友说或许这是件好事，我可以更早看到一切，尽着一些责任，至少改天不会后悔。也许对吧。。。
Family，is my strength, my everything.

Childhood memories

This blog is far from being dead. Its just that I have a lot to talk about but things are getting pretty crazy, especially trying to juggle my wants and needs at the same time .....You know what i meant.
There was something funny happened just now when i was walking around in shopping mall. There were 2 little children (sibling) walking infront me with their parents. Parents were too busy buying something.
The brother (ard 4 years old) was very caring for his sister(ard 3 years old). here's their dialogue:
brother : don't touch this! follow me!
sister : why u scold me?! i ask ah pu ne ne to catch you!
(a bangladeshi was standing beside them)
see! they are so cute right? tho it's just a very short conversation but it made me laugh for half an hour.
emm it's kinda like the term we still using now "i don't wanna to friend/good with you!".
i miss all this memories.
next few blogs will be some emo post.
ohya one more thing, i did not know that once i changed my blog address, it means that the old one cannot be used d.haha. so i'll change it back again la.  but who cares, i don't expect anyone to read it.