The last

I woke up very early this morning, kept thinking something that bothering me the for whole day.

To stop myself to keep thinking all these things, i slept after i back from badminton with my friends. I just wanna find something to do.

Someone asked me as if i'm trying to run away from problems or i did really let go. I answered her 'ofcoz i let go long time ago. i have my own and wonderful life now.' After the conversation, i had a sudden feel, feeling empty again. Don't know what to do again.She shouldn't ask me this, it just will make me think back again and again. I always think that i've  a ticket of freedom to free myself after this long period.

I know there's something i need to get off my chest, something that i've been carrying around for far too long now. there's no one i can talk to about this and ironically, the two people i consider myself closest to are not suitable candidates for this at all. but i need to get this out.
So here goes, i'm sorry for failing. i'm sorry for not being strong enough. i'm sorry for giving up. and i'm especially sorry that i did not, and could not, keep all of my promises. "now and forever" seems to ring shallow in my ears now.

i feel like crap, looking at my friends and knowing their stories of how other couples overcame the odds, being that pair of a million, saying 'we've come so far'. and i wish i could join their ranks, i wish that i could have been happy like that. And i feel so odd to go out wif the couples and seeing myself as someone who doesn't has anyone to accompany with.

how very selfish of me.

i remain convinced i will pay the price one day, for electing to do this. but i know i just saying it without doing anything.

i know that what we had was love, and now it's  just some changes, it ain't hate. You were an important part of me and nothing can possibly flush the traces of you from my heart.

no matter what, you'll always be the person who understood me when most didnt. and i will cherish you.

but not like before.

i'm truly sorry.

and thank you, for everything.

ps: It's just a thought before i sleep last night. i'm not trying to run away, i faced it and now i have nothing to do with the term of 'love'.