2010/02/20

worries...

is sunday now.
2 more days will be having my midterms.
tuesday and wednesday.
and now i'm just about to start revising.
alot to study n memorise, i know i have not much time to study.
since everyone went back to study again, i becoming stress again.
study? take care my mum or shop? household?
too much to do and worry about. seriously.
i know i shouldn't be so stressed up. later sendiri also got problem.
pls help me n bless me.
i need 48hrs a day.
oh ya, happy cny.

2010/02/05

millions of thoughts running thru my mind.

but i just can't figure it out,
super moody now. . .
你不是真正的快乐。。。
*SIGNING OFF*

2010/01/26

人言可畏

今天听到一些关于自己的事情,而且是在自己不知情下的事。
我好生气!好莫名其妙!
心中的愤怒一直在燃烧。。。
我不再相信任何人,不在说任何话。

2010/01/20

lalala

ton of things in my mind, and i just couldn't find the right pen to put it into words...

2010/01/19

2 hours class this afternoon and i talked for 2 hours.
After the class, only i regreted what i did in the class.
I need to control myself.
I need something to shut my mouth up.*no eye see*

2010/01/18

sien, uni starts tomorrow...

Schools are gonna reopen tomorrow and that's mean dead time is coming closer.

My mind and heart still a mess, still in holiday mood.
3 weeks is never enough for people like me! I have not accomplish anything which i've planned before the holiday...
I still wanna watch the drama which i just got from my friend.(whole series).
I need MORE, MORE, AND MORE HOLIDAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have not go through my registered subject in detailed. I just suibian register for the sake of 'i dun wanna be the last one to register'.
Gosh... the subjects and the timetable. I'm still considering which subject i wanna take.4,5,or 6?arrr!!!!
I know it's gonna be a very very tough sem for me. So...stay alert!
Lazy is the main factor I slack last sem/previous sems, emm or i should say i never been hardworking or become a guai lui before, this should leave to the kiasuism. wahaha.
Well but sometimes we need to be kiasu, but i just cannot make it. Don't ask me why! U should know the answer.
Hmm...hopefully it wont be that serious this coming semester~ gambateh to everyone .*sour smile*

2010/01/17

Weird dream

Just came back from my friend's wedding dinner in KL.
It was an awesome wedding. Hmm....atleast i was temporary reprieve from sadness? yea i did.
Well i had a very weird dream this afternoon when i was having a nap in my friend's room.
guess what?? i dreamed of S's funeral. Everyone was in grieve(of course la). The whole funeral procession is still fresh in my mind.
I'm  not sure how come i had this kind of dream.
In fact i did not attend to the funeral. I know i should go, but my mum not allowed me to go as the fortune teller asked me not to go to any 'bai shi' means funeral this year. Otherwise i might have trouble also.
Some of you might think that we shouldn't being so supersticious right? but i believed it.
We experienced it before.(my mum is the best example for breaking the rules).
On the day(Saturday), I woke up early. I struggled and hesistated alot.
I wanted to go but i had to listen to my mum. In the end....i decided to break the rules.
When i reached outside of the funeral parlour, i couldn't control myself. You should know why...
After going through my best friends death ,my dog, my granny(last year ), I know I won't be able to handle another death so soon. .. emotionally i know i won't be able to handle it...
At the end i din not turn up, I stayed in the car for 15mins, tears started to flow down again. I prayed for her in the car.
No one really knows how to deal with grief, many pretend they do but no one really does. Seeing ur loved ones leaving you one by one... You should do what feels right for you.

All these dreams, is it because i felt guilty for not attending the funeral that's why i had this kind of dreams?
I'd rather grieve in my own way, for all my loved ones.
Anyway,  i'll always pray for you.