Weird dream

Just came back from my friend's wedding dinner in KL.
It was an awesome wedding. Hmm....atleast i was temporary reprieve from sadness? yea i did.
Well i had a very weird dream this afternoon when i was having a nap in my friend's room.
guess what?? i dreamed of S's funeral. Everyone was in grieve(of course la). The whole funeral procession is still fresh in my mind.
I'm  not sure how come i had this kind of dream.
In fact i did not attend to the funeral. I know i should go, but my mum not allowed me to go as the fortune teller asked me not to go to any 'bai shi' means funeral this year. Otherwise i might have trouble also.
Some of you might think that we shouldn't being so supersticious right? but i believed it.
We experienced it before.(my mum is the best example for breaking the rules).
On the day(Saturday), I woke up early. I struggled and hesistated alot.
I wanted to go but i had to listen to my mum. In the end....i decided to break the rules.
When i reached outside of the funeral parlour, i couldn't control myself. You should know why...
After going through my best friends death ,my dog, my granny(last year ), I know I won't be able to handle another death so soon. .. emotionally i know i won't be able to handle it...
At the end i din not turn up, I stayed in the car for 15mins, tears started to flow down again. I prayed for her in the car.
No one really knows how to deal with grief, many pretend they do but no one really does. Seeing ur loved ones leaving you one by one... You should do what feels right for you.

All these dreams, is it because i felt guilty for not attending the funeral that's why i had this kind of dreams?
I'd rather grieve in my own way, for all my loved ones.
Anyway,  i'll always pray for you.